Let The Games Begin

So Derek is officially at the MTC. Good thing for me letters there from Dearelder.com to the Provo MTC are free, because I talk a lot, especially to him, and I plan on sending him a letter containing scriptures I picked out that I think are inspirational every day, along with an update from over here. Weather and that sort of thing. Funny enough, the weather here is so unpredictable that it actually warrants a conversation piece.

Anyway, right out of the gate I'm having some serious issues. I woke up last night screaming bloody murder because I was having a massive panic attack. Apparently, Derek was the only thing holding back this massive relapse. And the rest of the day I was shaking really badly because, as my doctor told me, my blood sugar is dangerously low, my heart rate (I have a heart condition) was and still is 95-103 bpm consistently and if I don't eat every few hours my body is liable to eat itself. I had told her I hadn't been feeling hungry and she told me it was some sort of issue where my brain isn't telling my body it needs food. All of this the day he leaves. And, really, I hope this medication helps because I'm not even worried about it, I'm more worried about not freaking talking to him all the time.

And for that along with my panic disorder my doctor is sending me to a psychiatrist. She plans on having me attend until Derek is finished with his mission because she doesn't know how the medication will effect my moods, including if it will make it more difficult for me to be without someone she insists was the only thing stopping the attacks. Truth be told guys, I think I'm scared. But I just can't seem to feel anything about it besides grief he's gone and irritation I have to eat so dang much. I'm going to try and update twice a week the entire time, and I will let you all know what my psychiatrist tells me.

Also! I have a new page! It's called "Getting in Contact with Me". I'm not sure if you guys can comment on this blog, so if you ever have anything to say, or if you have missionaries out there too and want someone to talk to, you can always get a hold of me from the two places linked there.

Until next time, have a great day!