Let's Turn it Around for a Minute

Yesterday I got to have the rare experience as a missionary girlfriend to hear how my missionary took his Setting Apart. And The moment I heard the story, I felt an immediate sense of guilt. Now I'm sure this is perking a few ears from people who are either "waiter haters" or missionary girlfriends themselves. But the thing is, and I'll be honest here, I never heard my missionary tell me he wanted to go on a mission. Needed, yes. Felt the pressure, yes. But wanted? Never. In fact I had heard "I'm not ready," and "I don't want to go." more than once the day before he left. And when I heard from two separate people who were at his setting apart that he "didn't seem at all excited." I started feeling bothered. But when It was explained to me he almost purposely tried to miss his flight, outwardly told his friend he didn't want to leave, and all around just moped the entire night, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Because I sat there and only thought of one side. I ignored every sign of him not wanting to go and only supported the church pressure on him to leave on a mission. I even told him I wouldn't stay with him if he didn't serve a mission. Why? Because I sat there and thought he needed to go. But now I'm seeing the reality; that he didn't all out want to go. His heart wasn't in it. I sent this man off with a lot of extra pressure from me to be apart from not only his friends and I, but from his family for two entire years. And now that I have been thinking, that was wrong of me. Because, even though he said he 'needed' to go, I shouldn't have ever supported something that he didn't want to do. Something that will hurt him before it helps him. I followed a path that was wrong, and I'm understanding that, now, maybe, my wait will be one of deep thought and prayer on how to support him. Including sending him a letter I did today outlining the fact that I was here whether he stayed or came home, because I felt such a prompting to reassure him, it was almost frightening.

I think we need to remember that our some of these men don't want to be on missions, and we should support them in what they want. Because there are certain things that require love and compassion, and breaking a mold such as a mission is definitely one of them. If we don't support them, tell them that the Lord still loves them, then the life long pressure is sure to destroy them.